Free Time

For me, today is pretty much the epitome of why it sucks to be jobless right now. So much time on my hands, and so much mundane shit to fill it with. And yes, yes I know I am one of the lucky ones. Well that’s what they tell me at least. I’m lucky, we can get by on John’s salary. I’m lucky, I have so much free time to pursue my dreams. To find out who I am. What I want to do. What is my calling. All those things. And I don’t have to worry about scrounging for food or etc. And that’s all nice, in theory. But it doesn’t make the current problem any easier.

And that problem is: I don’t think I have a calling. I have been jobless for 18 months. EIGHTEEN MONTHS. And what do I have to show for it? Well, not much. My house is clean, the sheets are freshly laundered and the dog has been walked. Yes, we lived in Singapore for six months and yes, I’ve traveled to six countries in the last year, but in terms of day-to-day life, I haven’t got a lot to show for myself. And everyone thinks I must just have so much time on my hands.

In a way, I do. That’s true.

But people, it is easy to fill your day.

Job searching for one, takes lots of time. Since the job search began in earnest in Februray I’ve sent out dozens of resumes. Maybe even hundreds. I should have kept track, I even tried at one point, but it got depressing so I quit. I do know that I’ve gotten three phone interviews. From those phone interviews I was three for three for in-person interviews. From there I was 2 for 3 for second interviews. No job offers have resulted from those interviews, but my interviewers keep assuring me that I’m a great candidate. Just not great for them.

Anwyay, lots of time has been spent. Researching companies. Rehearsing interview questions. Buying a new suit. And networking, keeping up with old coworkers, following my industry on Twitter, Facebook, etc. And somehow we’re back to how much time I waste on the Internet.

So there’s the time I spend job searching. Then there’s the time I waste getting distracted by the Internet. And there’s the time I spend making breakfast. Because don’t get me wrong, I value the fact that I have the time in the morning to get up and make steel cut oats. I know lots of people are rushing around in the morning to get to their jobs, and they don’t have that kind of time. Well I do. So I make good use out of it.

And aside from the time I spend making breakfast, there’s going to the gym. There’s showering. There’s walking the dog. Making lunch. Reading books to better myself. Seeing what’s on Oprah. Going to the dentist. Meeting my sister to shop for wedding dresses. Going to three different grocery stores (don’t even get me started on that, whole different post). Tending the garden. Watering the lawn. Trying to find a recipe to use up a million cucumbers that we have grown in the garden. Going to Home Depot to look for cheap chandeliers since John almost electrocuted himself changing a lightbulb in our current ghetto one. Keeping up social relationships. Even with people I’m not sure I like.

These are the things. Yes, I realize they are completely mundane and everyone, even people are lucky enough to have jobs right now, has to do most of these things. But I’m telling you they take up my time. They do. There’s just no way around it. And maybe if I knew what my calling was, if I already knew, then I could be dedicated to spending the time on that calling. But right now, I have to check Monster and then the laundry needs to be folded and then it’s time to dry my hair and make lunch and meet a friend for coffee. So right now, my calling is probably on the back burner.

That is until someone says, oh you’re so lucky, you have so much free time on your hands. What are you doing with it all? Have you found your calling?

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