Goodbye Maternity Leave

My maternity leave is ending. I am so sad. I can hardly even talk about it. But I know it’s coming and I have to figure out real life, life with job and baby. How do you people do it? Mamas, I’m talking to you. How the heck is this possible? To leave my sweet baby girl and go worry about website hits and sales numbers? Argh.

Part of me is excited really, to get back to work. I like my job and I miss the thrill of success and the agony of defeat. Okay that’s a little dramatic, but you get what I’m saying. I miss the work. I miss the people. The adults, that actually talk back to me during the day. I miss having something to think about other than nap schedules and whether we have enough diapers and did I run the dishwasher.

I have to be honest though, I am having a seriously primal reaction to leaving my baby. Like, the hormones are going crazy I might have to fight off a lion I will kill anyone that looks at her reaction. And I know it’s normal and natural and mothers are programmed to react like this, but it’s really hard to reconcile my head and my heart. This is the plight of the working mother I guess, that thing that everyone goes through. We want to work, but we want to be with baby too. And we don’t get to do both.

You don’t get to do both.

And it sucks.

So yeah, Monday is the day. I go back and leave my little girl for the whole day. And I’m supposed to act like a grown up. Guessing that’s not going to happen. So any advice on how to handle it? Aside from bringing lots of tissues?


Two Months

Dear Evelyn,

Two months old already. I wanted to do a letter like this for your first month. I even started it when you were three weeks old. But here you are at two months already and that letter has one opening sentence. So I don’t have a letter for month one, but here I am at month two. I want to document your growth and have a spot to spew my special brand of mommy love. It is incredible how quickly the time passes. Days and nights, and suddenly we’re here and I don’t have a newborn anymore, I have a baby. A real baby girl. And you are everything. The only thing.

The past two months have been the most amazing time in my life. Every day you grow and change so much.  You started smiling around week six, just like those books said you might, and it has absolutely melted our hearts. Your dad and I can hardly stand it when we see that grin break out on your face. Oh you make us work for it, but we do. We tickle and squeak and giggle at you like there’s no tomorrow, just to see that smile. I’m sure we look absolutely ridiculous, but we don’t care.

You’ve also started talking more in the last week or so. Not real talking, just some coos and random noises here and there. But you’re starting to interact with us, to tell us what you want and what you need. You also do this adorable half sneeze half sigh thing that your dad just loves. It’s like you just missed a sneeze and have given in with a little sigh of resignation. You get the hiccups all the time still, and mostly it doesn’t seem to bother you, but sometimes you get angry about the whole thing. You do have your moments.

You’re sleeping a little bit more now, which is absolutely fantastic. You’ve even had a few six hour stretches, which is just luxurious after so many weeks of two and three hours at a time. We’re working on starting a bedtime routine and getting you to sleep a little earlier, but it is definitely a work in progress. Sleep is not yet your forte. You’re actually quite the diva when you wake up – all big stretches and yawns. I joke that you are just like your dad in that respect. A little on the dramatic side.

You also found your hand this week, which is kind of awesome and hilarious because you go crossed eyed just staring at it. I think you want to get it in your mouth, but you aren’t quite there yet. I hope you will, because despite our best efforts, you will not take a pacifier. Your dad has purchased approximately 8,000 different types of pacifiers, but to no avail. So maybe you’ll suck on the hand or the thumb someday soon.

You went to your 2 month doctor’s appointment last week and you did great, despite a few tears from me during your shots. It just hurts so much to see you in pain. You were a whopping 12 lbs and 8.5 ounces, and 22.5 inches long, putting you in the 93rd percentile for weight and the 70th percentile for height. We are thrilled you are growing so well – it means we’re doing something right at least. Everything else looked great and we probably asked a few stupid questions, but no one can blame us for having a bit of new parent neuroses. We just want you to be perfect. And of course you are.

I’ve got one more month left of maternity leave, and I think it’s going to be our best month yet. You’re starting to be so much more aware of your surroundings, so heading out of the house is a little more fun, but it can also be a little more scary. No more taking the tiny sleeping baby anywhere we want. Now we run the risk of having a crazy screaming little person at the dinner table. We’re still trying though.You quite enjoyed your dinner at Patzcuaro’s the other night.


It’s like you’ve finally woken up to the world, and you can’t wait to see what’s out there. And I can’t wait to show you. Love you baby.