Guilty Mommy

The thing about being a part-time working mom with part-time daycare is that sometimes I have to work when I’m home with the kiddo. This means I try to schedule calls during nap time and check emails secretly from my phone when we pull into the garage so she can’t see me and yell “phone, phone, phone,” one million times in a row. It also means I feel a lot of guilt during the time I am home with her.

The thing about being a mom in that there is so much pressure to do it right. Choose the right parenting style, teach them the right manners, figure out how to make sure they aren’t little jerks. And with Pinterest and blogs and Twitter and Facebook I’m constantly wondering how all of these women are making time to decorate insanely adorable Easter eggs with their children rather than running from one errand to the next and constantly wiping snotty noses and doing laundry and everything else it takes just to keep the ship moving.

When I’m home with Evie I want to do things like take her to the Children’s Museum, and do crafts, and run around and play outside and just generally be an awesome exemplary mom. But it turns out the Children’s Museum drives me crazy because it’s actually filled with screaming children that aren’t mine, and I suck at crafts, and it’s freezing outside. So we go to the grocery store and maybe the Starbucks drive through because mommy is addicted to cappuccinos and then make some lunch and eat it and clean it up and play with the stacking cups for ten minutes before a tantrum hits and thank god it’s naptime. And then I do my client call and she wakes up and we start all over again.

I know what I have is truly the best of both worlds and I am lucky lucky to be able to spend this time with her and have my career, and really it’s only a few days a week anyway, but it’s hard not to feel the guilt set in some days. I know if I went to a full-time job I’d have guilt too, and I know that staying home full-time isn’t right for me either. So I’m somewhere in between, trying to be okay with that. Now I have to go look up how to decorate Easter eggs before my client call.


They say moving is one of the top five most stressful things you can do, besides marriage and divorce and having a baby and death and a new job I think right? I don’t know but I do know that we are currently selling our house and it is sending me into convulsions pretty much every night. We are under contract right now and dealing with inspection issues, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed everything works out because I cannot deal with having to show my house again. Having a house show-ready is pretty much one of the most annoying things I’ve ever had to do. As my mom will tell you, I am not necessarily tidy.

I mean I don’t live in a pigsty and my house is almost always relatively clean (I said relatively okay?) but I have stuff. You know, stuff. Piles of mail. Ten pairs of shoes in the entryway. Some random markers on the kitchen counter. And don’t even get me started on the baby toys. We have so many baby toys. Child needs toys, what can I say?

So yeah, having everything looking like a page out of Real Simple was not easy for me. I persevered of course because I am slightly scared of my realtor, and we had an offer relatively quickly. Unless there’s a disaster, we close September 14. And miracle of miracles, we found a place to live.

Only problem is it’s under construction and won’t be ready until the end of November (hopefully). That means we have 2.5 months of homelessness. So we’re moving in with my mom.

I know. I am a grown woman with a child of my own and I’m going to live with my mom. But it’s going to save us a good chunk of change and really it makes the most sense. The biggest issue of course is that it’s the suburbs, but I think it might be a nice little trial run for us to see how we like living there. Our new house is in the same neighborhood we’re in now, and we absolutely love it, so we won’t have to do the suburb thing on a permanent basis for a while. But this will be a nice little experiment.

I’ll have to drive Evie back up to the Highlands a for daycare, which is going to be a pain, but luckily enough my consulting schedule is flexible enough that I can take her opposite of traffic times. Hopefully. And it will be nice to have my mom around to help out. I am going to do my best not to take advantage of that though. Because I am nice like that.

I just hope construction isn’t delayed and we don’t have any problems and it’s all smooth sailing. That’s totally going to happen. I’m putting it out there.

In other news I am leaving my baby girl for the first time overnight tomorrow. John and I are going to Seattle for three nights, just for a fun weekend getaway like we used to do before kids. I am doing my best not to freak out because I know she is going to be absolutely fine with my mom and my sister, but I’m still nervous. I’ve had this child attached to me in some way shape or form for almost two full years. I’m gonna miss her like crazy.

But it’s time to cut the cord and go drink way too much coffee and wine and sleep in past 7:30 (hopefully!!!) and enjoy my husband and a city I’ve never been to but I’ve heard wonderful things about. Wish me luck!